census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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