Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
