no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
