It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
