I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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