At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
