AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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