It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
