Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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