We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
please don't ironically join a cult
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