never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
