lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
