so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
