recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
