...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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