They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
