I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
