i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
