Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
now i know why i became what i already was.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
