if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
