legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
