you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
