nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
