i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
