yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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