You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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