hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
