Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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