I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
