I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
