No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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