At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
