just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
