I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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