I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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