just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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