Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
