Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
