I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just google imaged poop.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
