i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
