Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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