he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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