I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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