you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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