ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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