Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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