he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
