: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
