plz talk dirty to me
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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