Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
