Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I smell like Dick and happiness
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
