It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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