Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
